


Christmas Conscious

by Luvkyloreylo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst and Tragedy, Broken Promises, Christmas Smut, Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Guilt, Lack of Communication, Loneliness, Love Triangles, Lovesickness, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Memory Loss, One Night Stands, Pregnancy, References to Depression, Sad, Secret Relationship, Suffering, Surprises, Unhealthy Relationships, Walk Into A Bar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-26 15:46:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 7,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17144585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luvkyloreylo/pseuds/Luvkyloreylo
Summary: ******COMEPLETE-my little  Christmas  guilty pleasure******Rey woke up with a pounding headache... vision blurry at best. She vaguely remembered stomping into Maz's Bar crying her eyes out again... her to be husband stood her up... she knew exactly where he was. It had broken her. She was just so lonely... so depressed.  How can a 20 year old be so sad...pathetic...two weeks before Christmas. She knew why... her parents were dead... her boyfriend  was a cruel neglectful bastard... and she lost her job... downsizing... Rey knew.  She glanced over at the broad back on the bed,  the dark tousel of hair, ...she had no idea who this man was. She was however sure they had sex... her body was sore and stickyish...her panties clinging to one ankle, everything else on the floor... she collected herself and hurriedly escaped...hailing a cab. She wiped her face with her palm. "Oh my god. I'm  a slut..."





	1. Oh shit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LBellicose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LBellicose/gifts), [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife/gifts).



Rey made it home. 

Armitage was still asleep ...or gone. 

She got the coffee pot ready and flicked the switch.

She desperately  needed fucking coffee...

She threw her clothes in the hamper... hopped in the shower. 

She'd  had sex...

Sex...

Lordy...

It had been over a year since Tage had fucked her proper...

Always so busy...

Even before he was...selfish type. 

Rey was a virgin when they met so she didn't  know the difference  really. 

Enjoyed what attention he gave... well sometimes.

He was a lot older...38.

Professional...a lawyer.

He liked her apartment. He did have his own. Her's was closer to his office.

The water felt so good.

She sighed.

She had not gotten  out of that guy's place fast enough 

She got out, wrapped  in a big purple towel.

In her room she saw the bed had not been slept in...she checked her phone.

_(hey sweetie...worked late, stayed at my place...I'll call you about dinner tonight. Sorry I  was an ass...you broke up with me, but I  know you didn't  mean it...you are not that impulsive. I love you.)_

Rey stared at his messege.

She had actually  done it...

And he didn't  even take her seriously...

So she didn't  cheat...ug...

She groaned.

Tylenol...

Coffee...tylenol...bed...

Fuck him....

Fuck this headache ...

 

 


	2. Quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben stretched. Man had that been fun! She'd looked so pitiful, but once she got past her sob story they'd talked... really talked... laughed... drank... danced...

He rolled over hoping for round two...

FUCK! 

Ben growled.

Gone.

God fucking damn it!

She left without saying a word...

Well... he didn't  typically  do the one night stand bullshit...but Poe and Finn said he needed it. 

She had been game to come back to his apartment.

Her name...

Oh hell...he didn't ...remember ...

Phone!

He checked his phone.

No new numbers inputed.

No pictures from last night.

Ben you absolute dumbass.

He texted Finn. 

He had no idea.

Poe.

Again no clue.

They were useless...wingmen my ass !

Ben pulled on pants and a t-shirt, made himself breakfast.

He needed bacon!

He was late for work...his dad wouldn't care really. 

He just had to show up.

Her eyes were there though.

Emerald pools.

They'd  practically fucking sparkled when she'd  cum...

Lord...he was fucking doomed.

Who was she?

 

 

 


	3. Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey sat with her friends, they had no idea what she'd done. She still felt alone even surrounded by people.

_Rey drove separately from her parents from the restaurant._

_Their anniversary  dinner had been sweet, just them...her...a few friends..._

_25 years._

_Rey wanted that._

_She was fresh out of high school, 18... ready to make her mark on the world._

_She paced behind their car._

_He father always drove so slow. She chuckled._

_The light turned green._

_Rey barely hit her gas pedal when she heard the screach..._

_The crunch..._

_The breaking glass..._

_The truck that hit her mother's side had never slowed. Ran the light._

_Rey jumped out of her car, called 911. Tears falling._

_"Mom! Omg! Dad!" Rey screamed._

_Other cars stopped, people trying to help._

_Police pulled up, ambulance._

_Rey saw her mother's  bloody face, the cut in her forehead. Her blank stare._

_Her father's legs were crushed._

_Nothing._

_She could do nothing._

_Her mother was already dead._

_They were trying to cut her father out._

_She glanced toward the other vehicle._

_The driver of the truck was sprawled through his windshield._

_Gory mess._

_He was dead._

_Later, Rey was listless as they explained..._

_...that the man had not been drunk._

_...that he had not been texting._

_...that his breaks had gone out._

_Life happens._

_You live._

_You die._

_It's not always fair._

_Armitage had come into her life right after._

_He worked in her family lawyer's office._

_Rey had just melted into his life._

 

 

Rose, Kaydel, and Paige worked with her. Had worked with her.

She was one of many that were laid off.

Timing sucked.

She had savings...and barely spent any of the insurance money from her parent's death...

She preferred to pretend it wasn't  there.

"We'll  find something else...I'm not worried." Stated Paige.

"Rey, you don't  even have to work... just take some time. Get that Hux asshole out of your system...do not let him manipulate  his way back in. You know he was fucking that Katrina Phasma cunt...you know it!" Rose patted her leg.

Rey zoned out. 

Shots were had.

Judgement impaired.

Giggling girls bad talking boyfriends...

Rey smiled.  They loved her.

They were each a bit...crazy. But in all the best ways.

They'd  been there for her at the funeral.  Helped her pack things when it was time.

Friends.

Even when Armitage  pulled her away... pushed them away. They were there.

Maz sauntered over. "Bitching and drinking ladies? It's getting late dears, I'll have Chewie get you a cab."

"Thanks Maz...you're the best !" Kaydel slurred and hugged the short wrinkled woman.

Rey laughed.

They loaded up. 

37 minutes later they were all piled into Rose's king size bed.

Drooling...snoring.

 


	4. Legs for days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She was so hot... legs for days... and they were wrapped around me for hours. I have to find out who she is. She was by herself, crying over some asshole...damn it." Ben ranted to Poe on the phone on his way to work.

"I don't  know, it was my first time at that bar...only knew you guys. It's a college hang  out, maybe she goes the university  in town." Poe replied.

Ben groaned. 

A student?

She didn't mention a college thing... just the ex...and a job?

"She works...worked at some office,  she griped about getting laid off. Didn't say name of the place though... boyfriend... ex... is some hot shot lawyer dick." The wheels in his head still turned, as Ben pulled into the parking lot.

Han waved.

"I'll talk to you later Poe, just got to work." Ben hung up.

"Hey son, rough night? " Han joked. 

Ben cocked his head, "yeah ...a bit. Sorry I'm late,  had company... overslept."

Han lit up, "she wore you out huh?!" 

Ben glared.

"This is our mission today. You have 3 lessons scheduled. The first one cancelled. Which worked out since you were too busy recovering from getting laid ...but lesson 2 is out in the hanger waiting. His boss gave him lessons as his gift." Han explained and handed Ben the paperwork.

"Lovely..." Ben rolled his eyes.

He loved teaching uptight rich assholes.

He made his way to his client. 

"Hello. My name is Ben...I'll be your instructor today. Your boss bought you 2 lessons, you can arrange more with our secretary if you choose to. She can go pricing and scheduling. " Ben  stuck out his hand. 

The suit in front of him took his outstretched  hand and shook it. "Very well, my name is Armitage Hux.  Let's  get started shall we." 

 

 

 


	5. Forgive my sin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armitage blew up her phone for two days straight. She'd avoided him the first day by going out and staying with her friends. The second day she'd hid in her apartment, lounged in her star wars pajamas, and ate ice cream. 7 Lifetime Christmas movies later a knock at her door supplied her with roses. Another hour later brought him. He was armed with more flowers, take out, and wine.

"I shouldn't  even let you in...but I  am hungry." Rey smarted. 

She closed the door after him. 

She followed him into his kitchen. 

"I messed up Rey, I see that. I'm an ass. I work too much, I can be distant and cold, I don't give you enough attention...but I really am sorry." He told her as he laid out the food boxes.

Rey reached for two glasses and the wine bottle opener. "you hurt me... you do it alot Tage."

He nodded, "I'm...selfish. I  take people for granted. But you deserve better. I owe you answers..."

Rey looked at him after fixing her plate. "Eat first."

They ate silently. 

Several  glasses of wine made Rey sleepy. 

She wasn't sure she even loved Tage anymore...

He took his jacket off. Took a seat by her on her couch. "Christmas  Chronicles ? Didn't you already watch this twice on Netflix?"

Rey glared, "I like it. Kurt Russell as Santa is awesome...don't make fun."

"Just teasing sweetie. We can watch it. " he slid an arm around her. Tried to kiss her neck.

For just a moment she gave in and her eyes closed...it had been so long since he'd  touched her...it felt good...

He palmed her breast, kissing her neck and jaw...but when his hand moved to rub her between  her legs she snapped back to attention... reality...

"No no no ! You...you...cheated on me...I  know it ! You stood me up again... for her ! You don't touch me... don't  fuck me for over a year and now your kissing my damn neck... trying to grab my pussy ! Really Tage ?!" Rey paced back and forth fuming.

He nodded calmly. "Yes. I did. Katrina and I work closely... we enjoy a good hard fuck. I'm sorry, that isn't what you are... what I want from you. She... what we do is just fucking Rey... I do actually  care about you. You're young, you will make a good wife. I can try to stop the other,  it's just different."

"No...you don't  need to try.  I  need more. I  need everything  from someone...I am done ! Just go please..." Rey  went to her bedroom  and locked her door.

He sighed, collected his jacket giving her door one last glance.

He enjoyed dating her, she was just so young... he'd tried not to expose her to himself ...the truth of him.

He was not kind.

He  wanted someone to fuck hard and control. 

It's  why he'd  pulled away...guilt.

He left.

He saw the text in his phone from Phasma. She wanted him to come over. Wanted to know what happened  with Rey. 

He didn't answer. He went to his apartment instead.

He was sorry.

He knew it wasn't enough.

 

 

 

 


	6. Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ***reindeer food has been put out... I baked my little family lasagna.... been watching Christmas movies with my sweet hubby, my 18 year old, and my very excited 6 year old. She is stoked it's Christmas eve...we just pulled exactly 4 cookies out of the oven for Santa. Lol she says he will get sick if he eats more... hope everyone is enjoying their holiday. ;) ***

Ben sulks, his lessons have been  going fine. 

Mr. Suit did not purchase extra instructions... he had predicted he wouldn't. 

The man spent the whole first and second lesson whining. 

About his now ex... how he'd fucked up... that he'd begged for forgiveness ... that he couldn't even enjoy screwing the woman he'd been cheating on her with now... 

Wtf!

What a pissant idiot fucktard!

Really?!

A nice older man had purchased more lessons, and a mother bought lessons for her teenager son.

His father kept taunting him.

But at least held off when his mother came by with lunch.

He had to figure out who the girl was. 

A return visit to Maz's was in order.

Maybe she would appear again? Maybe it was where her and her friends  hung out?

She was alone that night...but...

Maybe...

 

* * *

 

It was packed. 

Maz thought a Christmas  singing contest might be a fun money maker...

The old bird wasn't wrong. 

It was however ...torture!

Ben cringed as Jingle Bells and Frosty the Snowman got butchered.

Song after song.

He truly wasn't  drunk enough for this...

He was about to leave when he stopped dead.

Holy shit !

Her !

Flanked by 3 girls...looked similar age...

Youngish?

College girls?

Not?

He couldn't be sure.

The girl he met had a really good fake id that night. He hadn't  had the heart to tell on her when she'd been sobbing...

He watched them settle into a booth.

They were talking non-stop, she... was quiet.

Still upset? Maybe...

He kept his distance...stalker wasn't  how he wanted to come off as.

He was 30 years old...he could have a bit of tact.

...even though he was half hard just being in the same room with her.

He saw her friends take turns dancing, they sipped drinks and laughed at the singers.

Two went up and did their sexy version of All I Want for Christmas.

It wasn't  utterly horrible. 

Later the other one sang Rudloph the Rednosed Reindeer.

Cute.

They coaxed her out to dance. 

He smiled, drank his beer.

"If you stare much harder she will burst into flames !" Poe teased.  

"Shut up Dameron." Ben muttered.

"Ok... ok, I'm  still surprised  you are over here instead of over there... scared?" Poe taunted.

Ben scowled, "I don't want to freak her out... she was messed up over a guy she was going to marry that night... she left before I woke up... didn't leave her number or name...if I  just march over there...it might be bad." 

Poe nodded. "Right moment stuff...got it. She's pretty though. You have more self control than me...she's turned down every guy that's tried...the others haven't... maybe her and douchebag worked it out?"

"Maybe...god I  hope not..." Ben's  heart fell.

That was possible. 

"Dude! Look..." Poe hit his arm.

The girl was getting on stage.

The room got quiet. 

She didn't  look at anyone, just closed her eyes...no music came on...

You could've  heard a pin drop...

"Silent night....holy night...!" She began.

Acapela...

And is was surreal  how smooth and sweet her voice was.

Not one person wasn't  eyes to the stage.

Pool had stilled.

Darts stopped.

Tv muted.

She captured the room.

"All is calm....all is bright...!"

Ben swallowed.

She was angelic...

Poe stared too. Poe was never quiet.

It was like stunned silence.

She just kept going...belting it out... never opening her eyes...

A tear slid down her cheek...

Ben would have sworn he heard every heart ache for her...

Maybe it was just his.

She felt the words...

She sang with such conviction... solid emphasis...

After her last drawn out note she stopped, opened her eyes, and smiled. "Thankyou... Merry Christmas !"

She left the stage, returned to her friends. 

Maz came up, "thankyou Rey...that was the best way to end tonight's contest. Absolutely beautiful sweetheart ! Everyone you can vote on the winners at the table in the back near the bar."

Rey...

Her name was Rey...

"Earth to Ben!" Poe waved his hand in front of his face.

"Yeah yeah...I hear you." Ben said annoyed.

Poe laughed, "going to talk to her? Or can I?"

"Don't  you fucking dare." Ben growled.

"Fine. But I  am hitting on her blonde friend there...creep up with me...see if she notices you."

Ben nodded. Following along behind.

"Hi, I  am Poe...this is my buddy Ben. I had to say you all did a great job up there... especially you Rey. Christmas magic. But you, I  had to meet you..." Poe grinned at Kaydel. 

Kaydel giggled. "If that intro means you want to dance I'm game. " 

Poe beamed, "hell yes!"

He led Kaydel to dance.

Rey glanced up at Ben.

Ben frowned inside. She did not look like she knew him.

There was no obvious recognition... not embarrassment... not anger...

"Yeah,  you all did great. I guess I  should offer to buy you 3 a drink since Poe stole your friend...mind if I  join you?" Ben asked.

Rose grinned, "sure! We are trying cheer up Rey. She finally kicked her dipshit man to the much deserved curb. I  suggest tequila."

"I agree!" Added Paige.

Rey's  eyes grew very wary and wide.

"Rey...sorry to hear that.  New development?" Ben pried. 

"Um...kind of... I lost it the other night when I caught him cheating with a work colleague... but officially ended it when he tried to convince me to take him back..." Rey told him timidly. 

"Yeah poor Rey got trashed the other night without us she was so rattled, bless her can't  remember  a thing...glad she made it home." Rose offered. 

Paige chuckled, "yep...couldn't remember anything but where she woke up !"

Rey blushed.

"Oh shut  up! Don't tease her....anyway, you single Ben? You're rather...um built to be lonely." Rose asked touching his muscled arm.

Ben smiled, "I am technically, but I  have my eye on someone...still feeling it out. She blew me away."

"Lucky girl." Replied Rose.

Paige snarled, "Kaydel has your friend wrapped  around her finger over there. They're practically fucking as they dance... lord."

"Poe isn't  shy by any means..." Ben agreed.

They joked and teased knocking back shots.

Ben noticed Rey only nursed hers. 

She seemed  reluctant.

At close they all wandered out together.

Stumbling...giggling...

Poe ordered an Uber, "Ben you're on your own.... Kay wants me to show her my tattoos... at her house... with just my shoes on...." 

He watched them practically  fall into the vehicle  that picked them up.

Paige and Rose were kissing eachother when he turned around.

Rey figited.

"Oh...sorry, Jesus...um Rey we...are headed to Paige's...you ok to get back?" Rose asked.

Rey nodded,  "yeah, I'm good. I'll order a car after you two."

"See ya later!" Paige yelled.

Climbing into Rose's lap before they even had the door closed.

Rey blushed.

Ben smiled. "Not shy...your friends."

"No...not really." Rey replied.

"Well...they both took Ubers. I can take you home if you want. I don't mind, ...or you can come back to my apartment  for a drink...coffee?" Ben offered...testing.

Rey looked nervous.

Ben found it odd.

Not a few nights ago she'd kissed him silly, slammed him against a wall grabbing his junk, wanting to fuck him. 

Then again...she been deliriously upset...drunk as hell...

"I don't  do the one night stand thing... not really...nothing personal... Ben you seem nice. The guy they mentioned,  he was my first serious boyfriend...this ending... the whole relationship  robbed me of alot..." Rey attempted to explain.

Ben nodded, she did not remember him specifically...what they'd  done was not her norm.

She was shy, modest, ...adorable.

He could not be mad at her...

Not even slightly annoyed...the guy had done a number on her.

"Just coffee? No expectations?" Ben suggested.  Hopeful.

Rey blushed, "um...ok. Just coffee."

He took her home to her apartment. 

It was nearly 3 a.m. and he was  just glad to be alone with her. 

Her name was Rey.

She was sweet.

Her apartment  was small, but cute.

"How old are you Rey? Do you and your friends go to the local college?" Ben asked as she set out two snowman mugs.

She turned the pot on.

"Well... I'm  actually  20, ...Paige got me an id to hold me until my birthday. The others are already 21. We aren't all in college...but we went to high school together... worked at the same office until they laid a couple of us off this week. " Rey told him. 

"No judgement  here...you all seemed young." Ben replied.

"How old is Ben then?" She asked teasing.

"30, I'll  be 31 after Christmas  actually." Ben chuckled, "I get jipped every birthday.

Rey laughed, "gifts for Christmas  and birthday in one...would suck a little."

She poured him a cup.

She offered milk ...sugar... 

She kicked her shoes off.

Ben let his eyes wander,  he noticed book titles...cds...plants... she had pictures up of friends... 

Rey tucked her feet under her knees... sipped her mug.

"Mind if I sit?" Ben asked.

"Sure." She mumbled.

Ben drank his drink.

"Sorry about your ex...he was an idiot." Ben offered.

"You're  not wrong...but I  made mistakes too.  I should have spoke up...I  should have demanded what I needed or walked away...I  guess that's  what happens when you're too young ...alone... stupid..." Rey trembled a little.

She pulled her blanket up and around her that had been sitting on the edge of the couch. 

"Now you can decide what you need... you will be ok." Ben told her.

Rey smiled. "Thanks. He was older, came into my life right after my parents died... I was so alone and lost...he had answers. But I couldn't  see they weren't  the right answers."

"It happens." Ben offered.

"You're easy to talk to...thanks." Rey laughed lightly, "I actually did something really unlike me and dumb the other night... I got so drunk when I found out about him that I slept with someone...from a bar... I feel so guilty. I don't  remember  anything, just going to the bar crying...hurting...and waking up next to someone. I left. I  was a coward." 

Ben swallowed.

She was ashamed.

"Don't think bad of yourself.  They didn't  mind the...um...attention I'm  sure...no guy does..." Ben patted her knee.

"I hope he doesn't  feel...bad... used. He was only the second I've  ever been with... probably part of why I feel wierd about it." Rey sat her cup on her coffee table. 

Ben sat his next to hers.  "Well if I  was him..." he turned. "I wouldn't  hold it against  you....no guy would. Anyway, this has been great. I would like to do this again."

"That would be nice." Rey put her number into his phone. Added his to hers. 

"Good night Ben." Rey said at her door.

Ben grinned, "it definately has been." 

Without a thought he leaned in and lightly kissed her cheek. "Good night Rey."

He wanted nothing more than to throw her over his shoulder, tear her clothes off, and fuck her into her mattress ...but he settled for a light peck.

It was what he sensed she needed.

Rey smiled.

Once the door closed he let out a long breath...

holy shit...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Winnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So I collected my winnings this morning from the Christmas singing contest at Maz's last night. How do you feel about building gingerbread trains?" Rey asked.

Ben wasn't  overly Christmasy...his mother was...his father was.

He had grumbled.

He didn't  hate it...but...

Now, Rey had called the very next morning after he'd visited at her apartment ...wanted him to build a gingerbread  train with her.

He couldn't  say no...

He wanted to get to know her more. 

He wanted her to remember him. 

Remember that night.

So yes...he would suck it up. 

He would build the best damn ginger train ever!

 

* * *

 

 

She had cookies on her kitchen counter, music blaring of holiday joys, and the ugliest sweater ever on that gorgeous  body of hers when he came by.

Ben plastered on a sincere smile.

"Put me to work." He told her.

The process was long and tedious... definately took two sets of hands... frosting...arranging... 

But the finishing touches were not too bad, kind of fun.

Ben snuck a few bites of decorations...

"You brat !" Rey scolded and swatted his hand when she caught him.

"What? ... I'm hungry. You're a slave driver!" He teased.

This got him poked in the ribs. 

He caught her wrist.

She laughed trying to get away.

He tickled her side, and somehow... through their mutal ...attacks ended up on her floor.

He pinned her down. "I win. Surrender!"

Rey gulped.

He was so near her face.

Rey smelled his cologne...so delicious... familiar.

"Not likely...you surrender!" She demanded.

He grinned, "I have you trapped."

"Do you?" Rey quirked.

He cocked his head, confused.

Before he could wonder she had flipped them over.

"Well now...who's trapped?" Rey taunted.

She leaned down and kissed his lips.

He immediately forgot why he ever wanted to win.

Being at her mercy...perfectly ok.

She licked his lips prodding.

He allowed her access, they deepened the kiss, tongues massaging.

She moaned lightly.

He swallowed it down.

Their hands wander a bit. 

When she moved away he wanted her back...

"Come on chef...we need to clean up our mess..." Rey suggested. 

Rey couldn't  help feeling like Ben was not new to her...like she'd kissed him before.

Would be nice.

He helped her tidy up. 

She displayed the train on her kitchen table, texted a picture to Maz and her friends. 

Ben. His lips were so soft...man could he kiss.

She wanted to again.

 

 

 


	8. Oh Christmas tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey decided Ben was basically a human tree...one she definitely saw herself climbing. Well... if she could be brave enough. She stared at the empty space in the corner near the window, that spot was perfect... would be perfect for a small tree.

Rey texted Ben.

The human tree was very enthusiastic about helping her find the right tree.

He was picking her up after he got off work. 

She had plenty of time for a cat nap.

She slipped under her fluffy snowflake blanket, nuzzled in snug.

Ben's cologne was delicious... he wore a similar kind as Mr.Sleeper. Rey found her curiosity peeked...

She'd  rushed out so fast that morning... still in her mental haze.

She had not examined  his apartment... or him...but now.

Being around Ben made her wonder...

Had the guy cared that she left?

Was he a nice guy, did she hurt his feelings?

Was the sex fun? 

Lord...

The sex...

Armitage had always been  so pushy and controlling. It was more about him than her...

He got her wet enough with awkward fingering, sloppy kisses, ...after some grunting and thrusting he'd  cum. She was left unsatisfied. 

But then he'd  hold her. That part she liked.

When he started working late and neglecting her that's what she missed. 

Looking back Rey could see how selfish Tage had been. How she had rolled over about any big decisions. 

They ate what he liked, she wore what he preferred. 

His friends, his job took priority.

She followed him around like a damn puppy.

But this guy...drunk she was yes... but she had pursued whatever happened.

She had reacted to him. 

She laid there...closed her eyes...

When she woke she had looked at him. 

Just a second.

He had messy dark hair...a broad back...

"Oh Rey...who was he?" She sighed.

She let herself  drift off...

* * *

 

 

_...his hands were so big...but god so gentle..._

_Rey moaned as he slid his fingers into her, her own winding into his silken hair..._

_His mouth on her neck, her dress hiked up..._

_The only thing keeping her from falling into oblivion was the brick wall behind her..._

_"Oh ....please... faster...." her words jumbled...breathless._

_But his firm rotation against her clit as he pumped thick digits in and out made her sopping..._

_She came for the first time grinding into his hand..._

_So that's an orgasm...wow...head fuzzy...body reeling...heart bursting...._

 

Rey blinking awake realized her own fingers were knuckle deep... she was soaked...

Well shit.

She remembered something from the bar.

The guy...he'd given her...her first orgasm. 

She smiled. Maybe Ben could too...

Well eventually...

She took a shower, pulled on jeans... green sweater...her favorite boots... what she wanted to wear. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Just  right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben thought she looked so tiny swallowed up in her oversized sweater. A tiny amazing miracle walking. He followed her around the lot, she kept changing her mind. He liked it though... listening to her argue with herself about the sizes... textures... smells...

Rey ran her fingers over the needles... she loved the smell...

She used to love tree hunting with her dad.

"Dad always found the perfect  one..." Rey  disappeared around a corner.

Ben always had big prelit trees, fake.

Rey explained  how important  getting a real one was to her. That it made her feel like her parents were here.

Ben wondered if she'd  remember  him over time...if he'd  do things that might jog her memory. 

They'd  kissed. She'd  liked it.

Surely...

"Omg! Ben it's  perfect !" Rey yelled.

"You sure?" Ben gave it a once over.

Rey grinned, "definately."

They paid, loaded up the tree.

On the drive back to Rey's apartment Ben listened as Rey told him story after story.

He felt his chest tighten.

She missed them so much...he still had his parents...and he avoided them. 

It was childish bullshit.

Ben helped to pull out boxes.

She explained  the homemade ornaments, why the star had to be  added last.

She had stockings for them. She liked to. 

They hung on the wall along side hers.

She set a mini manger scene in the center of her coffee table.

"Will you add the star?" Rey gave him such a hopeful look.

Ben took it from her, "I'd  love to."

It sat glittering atop her tree. 

The twinkling lights danced.

"Cocoa  time!" Rey giggled. 

He saw her snowman  mugs and a giant bag of mini marshmallows  get pulled down.

"Mmmmm chocolate. You want 3 or 15?" Rey dropped a handful in her cup. 

Ben laughed, "want some hot chocolate with you marshmellows?"

"Shut it! It's so good! " Rey drank hers.  

Ben added a few to his.

He saw Rey pop a DVD in.

"Miracle on 34th Street" Rey informed him.

She settled in at his side. 

Ben let his arm slide arm her. 

Felt her relax. 

Rey sighed. Ben could get used to this. 

 

 


	10. Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose tugged on a dark pair of jeans. "I'm just saying...quit worrying about Mr Sleeper and concentrate on that hunk of man you've been chilling with. I already like him wayyyyy more than Huxie." She tossed Rey a shirt to try on.

Rose wasn't wrong.

"It's just, Ben kinda reminds me of him...a little. He's got wild dark hair, he's  broad...even his cologne. Jeeze...I  know it's  stupid." Rey buried her face in her hands.

Rose grinned. "I get it. But Ben  is here. He is really nice, you like him. You even told him about Huxie and the one night blackout sex ...he didn't  judge. He's hot and a keeper. Just enjoy it."

"Yeah...he helped me get a tree, decorate...we watched movies and made cocoa. He's a cuddler...you know how much I love that. And lord help me....he is an amazing kisser." Rey blushed. 

Rose tilted her head, "but? ..."

"But I kind of dreamed...maybe remembered the guy from the bar...maybe. It was us... seriously grinding... touching... Rose... I came from his fingers..." Rey blushed  more, "I  had my fingers in his hair...I  cannot  recall his face...it wasn't at his place...was at the bar...I don't know...I woke up wet and frustrated...touching myself...I just wish my brain would let me remember  all of it...who he was...or let it go so I can enjoy Ben."

Rose chuckled. Paid for her items. As they walked back to her car, "so this guy made you cum for the first time...no wonder you're curious. But honey, Ben is here...don't mess things up with him obsessing...I bet if given the chance he will put those massive hands, beautiful lips, and tongue to good use!"

"Rose!" Rey  screamed, embarrassed at how loud Rose was.

"Come on Rey,  you need new shoes or maybe a purse!" Rose shoved her toward another store.

Rey knew. Fate hadn't led her to him. Maybe she should just look ahead. Ben was really cute. 

Yes. She would.

She would let it go. 

Ben was nice, interested.

She grinned. 

She couldn't  wait to kiss him again. 

 


	11. Empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben tottered around his empty apartment... it had never seemed so empty. He's enjoyed his solitude. He picked up his phone. Several missed calls from his mother. There were no lessons scheduled for today... his dad wanted him to come in for half the day for repair and maintenance work, some cleaning. His mom wanted him to come for dinner. Both were pestering about who he was sneakng off to see each day.

Ben picked up his dirty clothes, washed a few dishes, sifted through his mail. 

He was hesitant. He wanted to invite Rey to his place.

She would definately recognize  where she woke up...how would she react?

But still...kissing her led to wanting his hands all over her. 

He remembered every single detail of that night...she had knocked him sideways.

He wanted that again...BAD!

But it had been nice so far, fun.

She seemed so shy, timid,... easily embarrassed when they hung out.

So sweet and cheerful.

But that girl ! 

The one that he'd come across at the bar...

Lord help him...

Knowing that he got to see that side...

She'd  been so pretty  despite the tears... already lost to the alcohol she'd  been downing.

He'd asked if she was ok...angry that someone so adorable  looked so broken.

She had went on and on about her failed ...doomed relationship...

After more drinks he coaxed her to relax and dance.

He'd  felt accomplished when he'd  made her laugh.

In a back hallway they'd  gotten a bit hot and heavy...he could not resist...

Her chapstick tasted like strawberries and she smelled like sunshine and flowers...such warm skin...her arms around his neck...

His mouth had found her neck and his fingers discovered just how wet she was beneath  her dress...

He'd  had to make her wetter...and when he gotten her to cum...

Ben wanted to take her home with him...

She'd  been all over him, straddling  his lap and grinding in the Uber...gripping his hair hard as he devoured her lips and neck...

In his apartment it had been so urgent and starving...

He'd  had to lick and suck her until she was limp and moaning...before he would even remove his buckle...

So delicious...so needy...

They hadn't  even exchanged names... yet...just hands and god when he'd finally  sunk into her... he'd  felt so euphoric...

She came again as he pounded into her, then came himself...

They'd fell asleep  wrapped and intertwined limbs...exhausted...

He'd petted her hair and back as she slept until his own eyes closed blissfully  spent...

He'd plotted about making her breakfast while they talked in the morning....but...

She was gone when he woke...

Now...

He was loving her attention.  Everything they did was simple things that seemed to make her happy. 

He didn't  want to rush her...her ex had really hurt her...

He knew what they had done was not her normal...but maybe now that she knew him this way ...she might not be mortified to realize Ben and her one night stand  were the same guy.

Ben sighed. 

Made his bed.

Swept his floor.

Started the washer. 

He really liked the idea of Rey being in his bed again...

Mistletoe magic perhaps...

Would coming here bring it all back?

Being at the bar hadn't?

Kissing him hadn't?

Ben had to figure out how.

He needed her.

And he thinks she needs him too...

 


	12. Really

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wanted to cook for her. Tage had never...Rey smiled. Ben wanted to do things for her. It was going so quick.

Rey changed her outfit twice.

She pulled her hair up ...then let it back down.

"Ug...why am I so nervous?!" Rey grumbled. 

He likes her. Simple. Shy her. Plain and small.

Ben was really hot. 

He was funny and thoughtful. 

They'd gone to the movies, played games, hung out at her place a lot, he'd  helped her with her tree...

He let her talk...pick things...he cuddled...

He smelled so good...his arms around her made her feel wanted... safe...enough.

Tonight was a big step.

Rey was nervous...

This was his space...

Did he had wierd tastes?

A crazy pet?

Mommy issues?

A sex dungeon?

Rey laughed at herself. 

She was being  rediculous.

He was cooking her dinner...he talked about playing  cards...maybe watching something...

She hoped they would get to snuggling and making out...maybe more?

Would he think she was a total slut if she...rubbed against him a bit?

If her hands wandered?

She kind of wanted his hands to explore ...

Her phone pinged.

Her ride was downstairs. 

She texted him that she was on her way.

Ben replied with a smiley face.

She giggled.

Yes. Tonight was going to be another big step on his turf.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Take a seat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben opened the oven one last time. It smelled great. Pulling the pan out to cool off, he stuck the bread in to warm up. Rey mentioned she liked pasta ...Ben learned from his gran. She had the best recipe for stroganoff. The garlic bread had provolone melting on top. His apartment filled with the aroma.

When the car pulled up to the apartment  building  Rey stiffened.

Oh...no...

The building...she recognized it. 

This was where...she left this building.

She'd forgotten where it was ...but now staring at it... it was definitely the same place.

Mr Sleeper...he lived here...

Ben lived here...

Rey swallowed. 

She got out.

 

...on his floor her heart pounded.

Rey felt her muscles tense. 

Making her way off the elevator... down the hall...the apartment number loomed.

1203

That apartment.

Ben's apartment.

Rey paled.

Ben was... Mr Sleeper?

She knocked.

"Hey ! Great to see you Rey ! Dinner is done, just waiting on the bread to finish. Shouldn't be more than a few minutes." Ben motioned her inside.

Rey glanced around. It was familiar. It was where she woke up...

Did he know this whole time?

Was it all a game ?

Did his friend and him only approach her friends at the bar to fuck with her head?

Rey was so confused...

Torn...

If Ben was ... ? 

That meant... ?

He was setting the table when he realized her expression..."are you ok Rey?" 

Ben saw fear written all over her face. 

Rey flinched when he moved closer.

"Rey?" Ben prodded, "what's...?"

"You... it was you..." Rey muttered weakly.

Ben nodded.

She knew.

Coming here.

She may not remember that night... him per say... but she seemed to have realized where she was...

"You know...it was me..." Ben replied. 

Rey sat on his couch, "why... you didn't tell me... we've  been hanging out... I  talked about that night... you didn't  tell me he ...was...you..."

Ben smiled, "I didn't want to freak you out. I needed to get to know you. I wanted to make sure you knew... I liked you for something more...you didn't  seem to remember...you didn't  need the pressure."

Rey nodded.  "I believe you...but he... well I  guess you...we've had sex Ben ..."

"I don't expect anything until you're ready...we can keep just dating. I'm good with how we are ..." Ben promised, taking her hands.

Rey looked up slowly, her tears evident." What if I'm not?"

All Rey knew was that Ben  had been so kind to her...

It felt good to be close to him...and what she was remembering from that night made her want to feel it all...

"Not what?" Ben asked.

He knelt in front of her holding her hands.

He worried he'd done this too soon... overwhelmed her...put her on the spot...

He didn't want to lose her...

"I don't want to stay away from you..." Rey  leaned in kissing his lips.

He hummed against hers.

Rey wasn't  running away.

She wasn't  angry it was him.

He pulled back, "not disappointed?"

"That he...that you are him? ...no. I wish I  remembered  more..." Rey  said with regret. 

Ben couldn't  contain himself.  He sprang. 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	14. Giving and taking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben... his mouth... Rey melted as he deepened their kiss.... as his arms circled her waist...

She let him pull her in.

Ben felt so alive...

Rey...she was here.

She didn't  reject him...

She was in his arms...

Maybe he'd  get his Christmas  wish...

Rey slid into his lap on the floor, "Ben..." 

He enveloped her mouth...her legs wrapped  around his back.

His hand found her breast... palming gently but firm...

Having her like this so close...so open he couldn't  hold back...

Rey felt so familiar in his arms...she felt herself growing wetter...

"More..." she needed him. This was what she forgot...

How she could completely  let go... get lost...in someone else... in Ben...

Her dress barely stood in his way as his other hand moved to her hip then her thigh...

"Please Rey...let me help you remember me..." Ben begged laving at her jaw and neck.

He unzipped the front of her dress... his lips nuzzling her nipple through the thin fabric of her  lacey bra...

She let a whimper escape...

His mouth so hot through the lace...

"Oh god... Ben..." she keened.

He tugged the lace out of his way sucking hard on the rose bud beneath...

She arched into him...

Her own hands fiddled with his belt...

"No...not yet..." he laid her back on the rug.

"I want to really show you..." he breathed.

He tugged her panties down... pulled her dress up...

She let him slowly spread her knees...

Her face flush with want she sighed as he began to pet her damp folds...

Inserting....pumping...his diligent finger....

...he sucked her nipple again...his thumb rubbing her clit...

He added another digit...speeding up his onslaught...

His mouth moving to her pinking neck... her chest heaving...she came...vibrating around him... moaning...

He shrugged down his pants... underwear...

As she worked against  him through aftershocks...he nudged her entrance...

He hoped she wasn't  disappointed...

Rey felt so relieved...he was about to enter her...his body making her remember ... 

She trembled with excitement...

He slid inside, rocking slowly...

"Fuck...oh fuck...so tight..." he let himself get lost in her...

He flicked his hips faster...harder... she clawed his lower back as he sped up...

" yes...Ben...oh fuck...oh god...I ...I remember this...you..." Rey moaned.

Her teeth grazing his chest...

He pounded into her...he knew it wouldn't  be long...it felt too good... she felt too fucking good...

When he rubbed her nub harder he sensed her tensing ...then fluttering around him again...

He released with a groan after...

Huffing into her neck he collapsed.

She kissed his cheek. Nuzzled his jaw.

He captured her lips...

"That was...wow...just as great as before...better..." Ben rolled next to her.

Rey giggled, "better...since I'm not drunk...I am glad it's  you Ben ...it felt so good. " 

Ben smiled. "Dinner is probably  cold now...and based on the smell we were distracted long enough for the bread to burn..." he laughed.

Rey kissed his palm, "that is what microwaves are for..."

Rey wrapped up in his couch blanket, he yanked back on his pants...

In his kitchen they fixed two plates... warmed them up... 

"You worked up quite an appetite in me...this is delicious  Ben!" Rey took another big bite of his stroganoff.

Ben nodded, "if I can do that before every meal I make you...I'll cook for you every meal !"

Rey laughed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	15. Christmas eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They spent the next few days in and out of his bed or her bed...he didn't have to go to work...almost Christmas. She was still jobless.  
> They cooked, showered, slept curled up... their friends blew up their phones. Thinking they'd fallen off the face of the Earth...

"I  never knew sex could feel so ...good. That it could be fun." Rey told him.

He massaged her back straddling  her legs. "That...is the saddest thing I've  ever heard.  Your ex was a complete idiot...he makes all men look bad."

"I see that now..." Rey laughed. 

Ben rubbed along her spine, following his hand with light kisses making her shiver.

"I have had relationships  that failed for different  reasons...but not one could say I was a selfish prick or lousy lay in bed! A man should give to get." Ben exclaimed. 

Rey smiled, "good...I  definately  am not complaining."

"You know it's Christmas Eve, we could do something tonight. I am perfectly content to remain naked here with you...don't get me   wrong. " Ben teased. 

"Here is just fine..." Rey said  bucking up her rear a little. 

Ben smirked, scooted down a bit.

He began  kissing her back... her neck.

His knee spread her legs just enough for his fingers to graze her where he wanted...

He enjoyed her whimpering as he played until he felt it would kill him...

He entered her from behind pulling her hips up a little.

Thrusting in and relishing  her deep moan.

His hand found her clit as his hips moved, making her sigh and writhe into him.

His other hand encircled her neck, he felt her stiffen."shhhh....just trust me..."

Rey gave in.

She felt light ...his hand tightened but it didn't  hurt...the combination  of his now pistoning pace...his attack on her nub....his grip around her neck sent her soaring...

Her orgasm hit like a tidal wave...

Her body convulsing with it's  aftershocks...Ben never ceased his punishing...

It felt like heaven...like dying...like being reborn...

Rey was high on him...addiction must feel like this.

No one else could do this...

She didn't  want to try...

Just have Ben...

She coaxed him back...he looked hurt.

She kissed him... maneuvered him onto his back...

His hurt expression  vanished.

She guided him back inside and began to rock...she wanted to ride him... 

She wanted him below her,  gazing up...

His hands rubbed her breasts, playing with her nipples as she drove him deep.

Her own fingers made circled motions against her clit.

She came hard screaming his name.

He growled bucking up into her as she floated through it.

She moved her hips so fast, slick with sweat and cum, Ben howled as he came.

She crashed on top of him chest heaving.

Ben smiled,  kissed her cheek, pet her drenched hair 

"Rey...what do you want for Christmas ?" Ben muttered.

Still recovering.

Rey laughed, "just you..."

"I can do that..." he replied.


	16. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han sat on Ben's couch bumping a little squiggling thing up and down. "There you go ! Just for PopPop !" She giggled.

"She's  precious  Ben, A Christmas  gift." Leia told  him.

She pulled the ham from the oven.  

"She's  already running the place... look at dad...whipped." Ben joked.

His eyes found Rey. She glowed in a shimmery green dress near the tree. The Christmas  lights danced off her.

His miracle.

They'd  made...created their little joy that Christmas Eve.

They'd made promises as their gifts to eachother. 

Ben grinned. 

After that his hands never tired of her...his mouth...god he could fuck her at the drop of a hat...did.

Even as she swollen with their daughter...got so self conscious and insecure. He'd found her all he wanted.

He'd  felt dinstinct satisfaction the day they'd  ran into her ex in the lawyer's office.  The man had seemed surprised to see his couple time flight instructor escorting his very pregnant  ex hand in hand.

Rey had squeezed  his hand and been courteous. 

Hux had sneered. 

They were updating her paperwork with the baby coming, and their marriage.

Ben remembered  thinking... 'yep. You fucked up dude and I swooped in and have the best girl ever. Fuck you. Your loss dumb fucker ' 

But the words stayed in his head, instead he grinned proudly and kissed her cheek.

Now he helped his mom finish setting the table. 

Rose and Paige were almost there, and Poe and Kaydel were running late.

"Uncle Luke  can you grab to extra plates for mom?" Ben hollered."Chewie can you get the corn out of the microwave?"

Han kept bouncing  a very happy girl.

"Be gentle PopPop, unless you want Hope to throw up on you." Rey teased.

Han chuckled, "wouldn't be a first."

Ben had a surprise  up his sleeve for Rey.  He couldn't  wait.

Hope's  eye were bright as she sat in her chair.

Four months old and so alert... aware of everything and everyone.

Ben greeted everyone.  Now that all were present. 

"Last Christmas I could not have predicted how blessed I  would be.  Rey, you are my center, my heart... and then you gave me Hope. I love you both so much." He handed her a box.

Rey teared up as she opened it. 

A lovely necklace and earrings in Hope's birthstone circled with diamonds. 

"I love them Ben !" Rey hugged and kissed him. She took hers out and put on the new earrings, Ben helped her with the necklace.

Ben beamed.

"Ben...I  have a surprise for you too..." Rey  grinned.

She handed him a box.

Inside was a pregnancy  test and a piece of paper.

He looked up.

"Positive and confirmed by the Dr... you're going to be a daddy again Ben." Rey smiled.

Han chuckled, "you two have never been  able to keep your hands to yourself..."

"Han !" Punching his arm, " ...that's wonderful !" Said Leia. 

Ben held her tight, "I'm so happy Rey !"

He twirled her around, then picked up Hope, "hear that sweet one? ...you're going to be a big sister!"

"It's  sooner than we planned, but I'm  excited. I'm right at 6 weeks." Rey told him.

He kissed her lips. 

Dinner went well, the group played cards and watched Christmas  movies. They sang Christmas carols. 

Ben tucked a very tired Rey into bed later.

He held Hope on the couch on his chest. She was wide awake.

Ben told her stories, the sound of his voice lulled her to heavier eyelids... then snoozing...

"So beautiful...just like your mother... " he kissed his daughter's  little fuzzy head, "we didn't  meet the most romantic way... but sweet one, your mommy is the best thing that ever happened to me...I love you both so much. Your new brother or sister will be loved too."

Ben's  heart swelled with pride and contentment. 

One man's stupid mistakes brought Rey to him...fate brought her to him. 

He would always be grateful.

Merry Christmas to me, Ben thought.

 


End file.
